Why your love life might not be moving forward
When it comes to making changes in your romantic life and meeting someone fooking GREAT (even if you’ve been single forever), for me this involves two parts.
The healing work + the calling in part!
The healing work might include things like:
❣️ Forgiveness (of yourself and others) ❣️Learning how to regulate your emotions & self-soothe ❣️Looking at your romantic patterns and why they are comfortable for us ❣️ Exploring your attachment tendency ❣️Rewiring unconscious belief patterns ❣️ Looking for your growth edge ❣️ Managing your inner critic ❣️ Releasing of shame and guilt
The calling in part might look like:
💛 Aligning your behaviour to what you want, e.g setting boundaries, upping your standards 💛 Upleveling your dating and communication skill set 💛 Getting clear on what you want 💛 Creating more love into your life 💛 Using the apps and IRL opportunities to your advantage 💛 Letting go of control and stepping into trust
Now, most people (myself included back in the day) assume that if we fix the external, E.G learn how to use the apps, or lose weight, or try a new bar, this is what will change the game.
But the reality is very different. We don’t jump straight into the ole dating and flirting techniques, because as fun as it is, it just means as soon as you’re bored, or uncomfortable or your trust gets broken, you’ll go straight back to what you’ve always done! (and probably your ex).
We all have a romantic pattern, be it emotional, physical, behavioural or situational. In order to understand who is right for you, you first have to understand yourself. Your vulnerabilities, your strengths, your history, your patterns.
The truth is, more often than not, we pick people who we think we should be with, based on unconscious templates and patterning, rather than the understanding and knowledge of who we are and what we need. I mean I could drop you in a room with 100 men, and you'd be unconsciously drawn to three of them. The question is why?
Once we have this understanding, it means it’s easier to stop doing this like:
👉 people pleasing
👉 Moulding yourself to others
👉 Keeping the right people at a distance
Dating, without understanding yourself, is like trying to drive at night without the lights on. You might get there eventually, but it’s a hellavu lot harder (not to mention, bloody dangerous).
It’s up to you to figure out what is going on and take the much needed action to step away from this.
In other words, because like attracts like, you have to grow yourself to be the person that can hold space for the relationship you want. Like any goal, in order to achieve something that is not yet part of our reality, we have to level up.
It’s about taking back control, feeling empowered and looking at what our responsibility is.
If you would like to spend some time figuring out your dating patterns and what Terri Cole calls ‘clearing out the basement’, then I urge you to think about working with me for 6-8 weeks! I have 4 more spaces and then doors open again in Summer 2025.
