Why We Get The Ick (and what it might mean)

So if you’re anything like me and love a bit of light relief (especially at the moment) then you’ll have probably heard of ‘getting the ick’ this year. 

We’re not sure when it was coined (some argue Sex In The City 2004 and some argue Olivia Attwood in Love Island 2017) but it’s certainly here to stay, with so many popular podcasts and insta accounts picking up the trend. 

Now, there are obvious Icks (Matt Hancock entering I’m A Celeb) and less obvious ones (men chasing after a ping pong ball) but the question I’m wondering is what does it mean for our love life and is it just a bit of lighthearted fun? 

So for me, the ‘ick’ is that slightly irrational feeling of repulsion or ickiness that makes you want to retreat. In other words, it’s something our mind and body does to motivate us to stay away from that person.  Once the ick is there, some argue that it’s incredibly hard to get rid of and see the person as they were. 

So why does it happen? 

Sometimes it can be as simple as you just don’t fancy someone and are turned off by something, and if so, crack on with your ick and go about your merry way. 

However, (and this is a big however) if ‘getting the ick’ is something that happens frequently, or is around things to do with intimacy,  then it’s time to explore what’s behind it, as chances are it’s about you, not them. 

Blunt I know. But when I think back to what I used to be like (unresolved issues from my past, huge walls and only fancied unavailable men), I would get the ick when someone was ‘too nice’ or ‘too available’. This would manifest into things like getting the ick if they wanted to cuddle or hold hands, or if they weren’t ‘cool’ enough. Basically anything to do with intimacy and any hint of vulnerability. 

And what I see with coaching, is if there are any fears around rejection, trust or commitment, then people can be hyper-vigilant about letting the walls down and letting someone in. This causes us to watch for things that they’re doing wrong, or nitpicking about certain things, which can trigger the ick. 

Plus, if we’re used to dating people where there has been a lot of push/pull, then dating someone who is available, consistent and keen to get to know you might feel like it’s too much, or  to be honest, a bit repulsive!  

So, if you do want to build awareness around dating, who you fancy and why, then you can use the ‘ick’ to explore it. Think of the emotion behind why you’re getting the ick and actually what you’re pushing away…

Or you can use these questions: 

1️⃣What is the ick? Example: Their laugh 

2️⃣ Why is it a problem? Example: it’s embarrassing and people look as its loud and high pitched

3️⃣ What does that bring up? Example: embarrassment, mistrust, fear of social rejection 

4️⃣Why is that a problem? Example: Because it makes me feel unsafe. I feel on edge 

5️⃣ So what are you pushing away? Example: Uncertainty, feeling unsafe, fear of rejection, someone who laughs loudly

6️⃣If you were ok with those feelings or fears, would ‘the ick’ be a deal breaker? Example: No I’d probably think it was endearing 

Anyway my love, I hope that brings a bit of food for thought. 

Just to let you know as we reach the end of the year - I have a few spots to start coaching this side of Christmas, but I am also running consult calls now and booking people in for coaching come January! So if you have a niggle that you’re ready for a fresh start when it comes to love, then you can book our call HERE.