When will it happen for you?

A quick one today as I wanted to address one of the most frequently thought questions when looking for love: 

“WHEN WILL IT BLOODY HAPPEN!” 

If you’re anything like my clients it might feel like: 

❣️ You’ve been swiping away for years 

❣️You’ve waited patiently, smiling as you watch friends meet people, get married and have sprogs

❣️ You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts and nothing has changed 

❣️ You’ve done the inner work to try and ‘heal yourself’ and again, nothing has shifted 

❣️ You’ve spent years trying to ‘trust the process’ but you’re getting bored 

And no matter how strong your mindset, when love feels further away than ever it can take us right back to asking other questions like: 

Is there something wrong with me? Why me? Will I be alone forever? Am I not lovable? (the answers are: nothing, it’s not just you, no you wont and yes you are). 

SO, I’m not going to sit here and tell you to be positive and keep ‘trusting’ because sometimes it just feels too hard and you don’t need to hear it. I absolutely get the frustration, worry and pressure you can feel around when (not if) you’re going to meet someone. So instead, here are some things you can do when the worry and unhelpful thoughts strike you 

1️⃣ Give yourself time and space to feel how you’re feeling and sit with the discomfort. We usually want to bat these thoughts and feelings away, but sometimes we need to lean in and learn what the fears are, why they’re cropping up, so we can make ourselves feel safe again. We can also use this as an opportunity to learn about ourselves and our triggers and learn to self-regulate, which is so important when in a long term relationship. 

2️⃣ Vent to people who are in the same boat, or who will really and truly understand. Your coupled up or married friends may be sympathetic, but unless they’ve felt the feelings, know the issues of modern day dating and have been single for years, then it can be harder to relate. So go follow inspirational people on instagram or social media, and mute/ unfollow people who are heightening these worries 

3️⃣ Get off the dating apps for a bit and step away  - might sound counterproductive, but take the pressure off - a few weeks or months not thinking about dating isn’t going to mean you miss your soulmate if it’s what your gut is telling you to do. Sometimes we need clarity, space and peace of mind to approach love from a place of trust, and often if you're swiping out of fear, then it’s going to hurt rather than help. 

4️⃣ Do something that puts all the energy and joy back on you that’s outside of a relationship - plan something that you only can do BECAUSE you’re single. Think about what you’d love to achieve next year. Get into the fun flirty energy of being young free and single with the world at your feet 

5️⃣ When you’re ready, get accountable and take small (or large) positive steps in this area.  Look at your journey with love and start to look at what you have and haven’t done. Look at what your blindspots are, what your patterns are, what might be holding you back, who you should actually be with. If you are ready to try something new, then it could be time to book a call with yours truly 😜

Anyway gorgeous, I hope that helps! 

I’m working on some big plans for next year, so if you’d like to do some work together, or you’re curious about coaching, then please do get in touch - I’m holding consults to start coaching in Dec & Jan! Click below to book your call