Something that comes up time and time again with clients, is being terrified of making the wrong decision when it comes to dating and love. 

• Date someone ‘too long’ and what if you waste time? 

• What if you miss out on ‘the one’? 

• How do you know if it’s right? 

• What if you end it and they were ‘the one?’ 

• How much time should you give things before deciding? 

The stakes feel bloody high - there is so much pressure not to ‘mess it up’, especially if you’re serious about meeting someone (a special 👋 to all of you, my perfectionists and control freaks out there)

Not helped with the dating apps, which gives the impression that there are an endless supply of people out there, and you need to test them all out. 

So what can we do about this? 

Well Logan Urgy argues that there are two types of decision makers when it comes to dating. 

The Maximisers 

Maximisers want to be 100% sure they’ve made the right decision, so they will do as much research and analysis as possible before choosing anything (think coffee machine or partner). They are looking for someone perfect, who ticks all the boxes and has a lifetime guarantee. If there is an element missing, you move on. This can cause quite a lot of emotional stress - you may struggle to commit because you’re always wondering if someone 5% better is around the corner. Or, if you do commit, you can torture yourself about making the wrong decision, because ‘what if’. 

The Satisficers 

The Satisficers, on the other hand, understand what they want and need in a partner, and also have high standards, but they accept that people aren’t perfect. So as long as it feels ‘good enough’, they will lean in, commit and look for what is good. They also tend to think that amazing relationships are built, rather than just appearing. This means that they tend to be happier with their decision because they’re 100% in. Your brain rationalises the decision, further convincing you that you’ve made the right choice. 

I definitely fell into the Maximiser category when I was dating, and had to learn that love and ‘the one’ might not come in the ‘perfect’ package I expected (which was an instant ‘knowing’ and being able to change Mr Unavailable). 

It wasn’t about learning to settle, but about accepting people for who they are, and then seeing if they were a match, rather than wishing for something different. 

So with this in mind, here are  five tips that you can work on this week to feel stronger in your decision making! 

👉Ask yourself where can you be more of a Satisficer in all areas of your life (not just dating)? Rather than wishing for what isn’t here, or thinking of what isn’t right, look at what is good enough and appreciate that. 

👉 Get clear on what your non-negotiables are in a relationships and what you truly need to be happy with someone. Keep this list short and to the point. This way, you’ll keep your standards high, and will have a clearer idea of what you want and when it is right 

👉 Practice getting more confident with your decision making by starting small. Make little decisions each day (such as what do I want for breakfast? What should I wear?) and learn to get comfortable with taking quick and decisive action

👉 Make a list of the times in the past where you have followed your intuition and what has happened, to build positive evidence that your intuition and decision making can be trusted 

👉 Rather than trying to forecast the future, take each decision one step at a time. For example, don’t ask ‘are they the one?’ ask ‘do I like them enough to see them again?’ 

P.S I’m taking on THREE new clients for the three month coaching container and THREE new clients for the six week intensive container. You can book yourself in HERE if you fancy a free chat.