Are you ‘too picky’ or actually do you just have high standards?

Do your friends ever call you ‘too picky’ or infer that you’re single because your standards are ‘too high?’ 

It’s a hot topic that comes up again and again with my clients - finding the sweet spot of having high standards but a flexibility with what love looks like.

So firstly, I want to start by saying that there is a common pattern I see with clients. 

Number 1, we tend to prioritize certain things to be ‘picky’ about. This usually looks like: 

• Looks, age, height, status in the world 

• Wanting the chase/ mystery 

• How their friends/family would perceive/ judge them 

• And last, but not least, off the charts chemistry - they want the ‘butterflies’ the can’t-stop thinking-about-them, rollercoaster of emotions. 

Number 2, as soon as we meet someone we like (or we can’t have) all standards and your tick list goes out the window. In other words, if they fulfill the chemistry, looks and feel like the ‘type’ of person it ‘should’ work with, then we start putting up with a load of crap that we wouldn’t with others. 

This was my go to move - I’d look for reasons to say no to the normal, secure guy who liked me, and look for reasons to say yes to someone who it wasn’t going to work with! 

And if you’re anything like me, that sometimes leaves us in a dilemma where our standards slip, our boundaries slip and suddenly we’re chasing after someone with potential, or trying to get it back to how it was at the beginning. In other words, we’re fooooooked! 

Really, in order to safeguard against this, the things we should be picky about are: 

• Do they treat you with respect? 

• Are they loyal? 

• Are they kind?

• Do they make you laugh?

• Do they put in a lot of effort to get to know you?

• Are they consistent? 

• Can you be yourself with them?

• Do you feel calm and secure when you’re around them, rather than anxious and up and down?

• Do you like / fancy them more every time you see them?

Perhaps not the most glamorous list, but these are the kind of standards we should be expecting and holding people accountable too. 

Because, the truth of the matter is that often love doesn’t come in the package we expect, and often your soulmate won’t look how you expect. 

So, really, we need to be flexible with our idea of what someone looks like, their age, job, height and raise our standards to how they are around us. 

It’s great to be picky and have high standards, but just make sure they’re about the right things. 

If you know that you let your standards slip, or everything goes out the window as soon as you meet someone you like, and you may get a leeeeetle obsessed with them, then it might be time to have a look at why you’re accepting behavior that you wouldn’t usually, or why your anxiety goes sky high. 

If you’re ready to make June the month you get serious about love, then book your free call below

C x