5 Steps To Bring Back The Dating Joy (Without Apps!)
Hi my love,
A quick blog this week (well it was meant to be), very much inspired by a few of my ladies who are in the Leading in Love Coaching Programme! We’ve had a few dating scenarios recently, all of which were very different, with different outcomes: one second date, one budding friendship, and one that just wasn't a match.
However, the element they had in common was the approach these women took. They were open, they looked for a connection, they were able to be themselves (including belly laughing when they felt like it), and they had a great time, regardless of the outcome!
So it got me thinking, what do you actually need to turn dating from a chore into something that feels fun and open doors?
Patterns I see with clients who get very quickly drained by dating are:
⚠️ They put a HUGE amount of energy into early dates. This can be anything from taking two hours to get ready, booking somewhere super fancy, spending hours discussing it with friends, taking weeks building up to meeting the person, playing the 'what if game' in advance.
⚠️ Rather than accepting that we don't know someone, we create a story about them, the date, the timeline and how we feel before we've met them.
⚠️ We treat the chat or date as a job interview, trying to deduce if they're the one, compatible in the long term and look for reasons to say no
And to be honest, all this leads to disappointment. You then spend your time poking holes in their story, looking for red flags and feeling like they don't measure up to the weight of your effort and expectation. Plus it feels EXHAUSTING!
So, as dating is probably 30% strategy and 70% mindset, there are actually a lot of things you can do beforehand that has nada to do with the actual date itself…
Here are a few steps you can take to approach dating with a new energy:
❣️Adjust your expectations…The reality is, dating is sometimes going to suck. Sometimes it will feel great, sometimes you’ll wonder why you bother. And that’s ok. All you can do is go into each conversation and date with the intention to be open, not to judge and make snap decisions, and not to get fixated on them being ‘the one’. Dating is a learning process where you figure out what you like, don’t like, what feels comfortable, what doesn’t, why you fancy some people and not others….
❣️Slow things down - rather than rushing to find out everything about them to make an ‘informed’ decision, or getting fixated on now speaking everyday, keep saying to yourself ‘I am learning to slow down and enjoy the process. It is unfolding exactly as it should’...
❣️Get comfortable with taking yourself on little mini dates! Part of the process of finding love is we have to know ourselves well enough to figure out what we want and who feels good to be around. So rather than expending all your energy on others, spend some time with you. Figure out who you are, what you need and flex this muscle
❣️ Build your confidence through figuring out what your dating boundaries are, what you need to feel secure and happy, and then gentle set about practicing! Use scenarios where you feel comfortable (such as work, with friends or family) to start speaking up for what you like, what you want, saying no, asking for support etc. There is so much you can do outside of dating to work on this one!
❣️ Start practicing connecting with people, not just romantic interests. The sooner you start talking and connecting with different people, the easier it becomes in dating. Go out and smile, make eye contact, talk to people who you wouldn’t usually, without expectation!
If you want to start exploring these topics, try these journaling questions…
💭 Who this week have you felt really good around and why?
💭 When did you last feel most like ‘yourself’ in life? What were you doing and how did you feel? How can you start to build on this feeling and bring some of it into everyday life?
💭 How open have you been when you’re out and about? Are you rushing to get somewhere, or are you slowing down and taking in your surroundings?
💭 Can you think of an instance where you with you’d said no instead of yes, or that you’d set a boundary? Do some exploring about what held you back and what you wish you’d said instead?
As always, let me know how you get on
Caitlin
P.S I have a few spaces left to start coaching before Chrimbo and will also be taking deposits to start in January 2023.
So, if you want to end the year on a high, or you want to put plans in place for January, then you can book a call here. This can be for individual coaching or group coaching. Basically, come and have a chat!
