Why you're attracted to 🤡 (and it's not just about self-esteem & childhood!)

Ever noticed that romantic love is one of the areas we find the hardest, but also the area where we don’t ever ask for help.

A lot of us just know that we… 

👉 Attract the same person with a different face, again and again 

👉 End up in situationships, with people who don't want to commit 

👉 Can't decide who, or what we want 

👉 Get stuck in an anxious loop of meeting unavailable people

But it's difficult to get clear on our own blind-spots and bring objectivity to why we're getting the results we are. SO, here are some ideas of why you're attracted to certain people (idiots). And you might be surprised to hear, it's not just about something that's rooted in childhood! 

👉 The unpredictable reward system: your brain gets more excited by uncertain rewards (think push/ pull of unavailable people) which enforces behaviour, feels addictive and keeps you going back for more

👉 The scarcity effect: your cognitive bias that means you place more value on what you might not be able to gain easily!

👉 Misattribution of arousal: you think you're attracted to someone, but actually it's your attachment style, or their status, or another factor that produces the same physiological symptoms of attraction

👉 You don't want to commit, and just want to have fun and create some hilarious stories, so you choose people you know it won't go the distance with!

👉 Your past experiences have created a template, so this is what you expect love to be, and now you keep going back to what feels familiar and normal

👉 You're not quite sure what you need and date people who are incompatible and only meet surface level values

👉 You think it's all you're worth and the best you're going to get.

The truth is, all of us have got to where we are with a context. We have certain expectations, beliefs and behaviours that we have adapted and internalised to keep us safe and where we are.

Good news is though this is learned behaviour, which can be unlearned. 

If you need a helping hand, then I'm here! As you know, I'm off to Fiji and New Zealand for two months in December and January, which will very adjust the way I work. 

👉 If you want to work with me 1:1 for three months this year, then the latest start date will be mid September. Doors will then open again in Feb 2024! You can book your no-strings attached call to discuss the options, but you've got six weeks to decide HERE

👉  The final round of Leading in Love, the group coaching programme will start on 2nd October, you can join the waitlist for it HERE 

👉 I might create a new coaching container option, which is 6 weeks of support, depending on if this is something people want, so let me know if you'd be interested!