Why you need to stop calling yourself unlucky in love, and start doing the work

Full disclosure, you might hate this blog. You might this message. But I’ll risk it. It’s one of the most important things I've ever written.  

You might think “p*ss off Caitlin, what do you know? It’s alright for you, smuggo”  

But please, hear me out. 

I don’t know about you, but I used to think there were two camps of people: 

There were the people who found love easy, who went from great relationship to great relationship. People who didn’t worry. People who were lucky when it came to love. 

 And then there were the me’s of the world. The people who found love hard. And if this is you currently, it might look like:

• Only ‘attracting’ people who are hold and cold, or unavailable, or already taken, or you end up in situationships

• Or perhaps you rarely meet anyone you like, but when you do it’s like you’re overtaken by some weird anxious obsessive alien and all you want to do is cling on to this person and make them stay.

• Or, you might say you want a relationship, but when it comes around, you reject or self-sabotage love.

• Or perhaps you’re always chasing relationships, or dates or even external things like jobs, cars, money, because you’re using things to try and fix you.

Having come out the other side of this, I know there aren’t two camps of people who are ‘lucky and unlucky’ in love. 

There are just people who have never learned how to attract and keep a healthy relationship, or never been taught how to have a good relationship with themselves. We haven’t all been brought up in the same way. We haven’t all been given the same tools to regulate anxiety, or been taught to trust, or learned what healthy feels like. 

Which means when it comes to love and relationships, we tend to use love as a way of ‘fixing’ ourselves. Our self-worth and happiness can be underpinned by someone else finding us attractive, or wanting to be with us. And if it doesn’t work out we feel broken. 

And the biggest kicker?

We attract, and are attracted to people who keep us in this place.

Relationships are a mirror to what is going on with us. The relationship you have with yourself dictates the kind of relationship you have with someone else. (I want to put a caveat in here, I’m not talking about abusive relationships or cases of DV, I’m talking about the standard relationships we see everyday.)

So when you don’t like yourself, or don’t believe you deserve love, or can have it, then you tend to be attracted to people who also have an internal void. They cheat, they blow hot and cold. They’re unavailable. 

Which is why it’s crucial to ‘do the work’ on yourself BEFORE looking outside for love. 

So, it’s time to take responsibility. 

It’s time to stop calling yourself unlucky in love. It’s time to stop calling men trash. It’s time to stop repeating the same patterns. 

Instead it’s time to learn what a supportive, loving relationship with yourself and others feels like. It’s time to learn what kind of relationship you deserve. It’s time to unpick what you think to be true about yourself and the world and choose something better. 

 So, if you’re ready, then book a consultation call today to start your journey. Coaching doors are open for the final time this year.

To hear more about this, head to my instagram video here