Are you suffocating your desire for love?

There’s not a week that goes past without a client, or someone in my instagram community, or a friend, messaging to say that they’re panicking they won’t ever meet anyone. Or that they’re desperate for their love interest to text them back, or that they NEED it to work with their partner, because otherwise they will be single. 

The underlying theme is that people are sitting in a place of fear, worry, or desperation (horrible word, but an apt one) that it WON’T happen. That they’re too late. So they need to try harder. They need to force it. Or bully it. Or give in. Or become whoever they think their love interest needs them to be.  

But sometimes the harder we push, the further away that thing we crave feels. And this is true of all areas of life. 

 here’s a great example I want to use here in courtesy of Jen Sincero.  

Imagine that your friend is having a party. And your friend believes that her party is going to be brilliant.  She invites you and says it would be great if you could make it, but no worries if not. Regardless if you’re going or not, she’s excited, focussed on the party and having fun. She knows it would be GREAT to have you there, but either way the party will be a success. And she’s excited to enjoy it.  

Now imagine that the same friend was having the same party. She invites you, but this time says that you HAVE to be there, that if you’re not there then the party will be ruined. She’s counting on you to make her party great, and that if you don’t come, at the time she’s asked, and stay right until the end, then it will be a disaster. Plus that you’re a shit friend if you don’t go and she’ll never speak to you again. 

Which party would you want to go to more? 

Probs not the second. 

The same is true for your love life and relationships. 

Often we run around trying to FORCE people into our lives, at the time we expect, and hang about saying if it doesn’t happen, then our life will be rubbish.  We wait for someone else to come in and make it brilliant. To make our party great. 

And it’s this needy, desperate energy that suffocates your happiness, and suffocates your desire for love. Because you’re effectively trying to blackmail, or bribe love into your life. 

You then end up self sabotaging, trying to force an outcome, settling, texting people 100 times in a night, or you try and push people into a relationship before it is naturally there.

And this might be because deep down, you don’t believe it will happen for you. You don’t believe you deserve love. Or that love is on it’s way. 

Which is why it’s so important for my clients to get to the bottom of these beliefs, and work on surrendering and loving exactly where they are. So they’re not fixated on love. So they’re not suffocating it, because their happiness isn’t hinged on it. 

In fact, one of my clients is coming to the end of her three month 1:1 coaching period. When we started she admitted that she desperately wanted a relationship to make her feel lovable again. Three months later, her words to me were: “To be honest, it would take someone amazing to give up the freedom of being on my own. I’m happy. I’m content. And they’d have to add to that, not take away from it”. 

AND THAT MY LOVE, IS THE ENERGY WE WANT! 

Because at the end of the day, all you can control is your own thoughts, choices and behaviour. Your job isn’t to force love, chase it or try and make it stay. It’s to get to the bottom of your own shit, your own patterns, your own blocks and step into your power. It’s to be ready for love, when it comes calling, without chasing after it. That’s all you can do. 

P.S. If you want to work with me 1:1 to Become Your Own Leading Lady, so you attract the love you deserve, then book your free discovery call below, or click to find out more