The questions to ask when imagining a future with them

SO, it’s fair to say that sometimes the process of dating and finding love can feel like a minefield! If it's rare to meet someone you like, it can be so hard to stop and slow down. We get so caught up in the attraction that we don’t ask ourselves how we feel when we’re with someone, or how compatible we actually are.

We get carried away with a vision of the future, without stopping to check:

👉Do you feel anxious the majority of the time?
👉 Are you writing your relationship history on to this new one?
👉 Are you making most of the contact?
👉 Do they actually want a relationship?
👉 Have you created a story of who they are?
 

 So, as each and everyone of you is unique, and each situation will be specific to you, I wanted to give you some powerful questions that you can ask yourself when dating. 

This means you can hopefully be far more intentional with your time and inject a bit more fun back in the process, so the pressure lifts, just a little! 

1. Can we be ourselves? 

 You obviously want to like the person that you are when you’re with someone, so ask yourself what side of you comes out? Are you comfortable? Are they comfortable? Do you feel a little judged/ on edge? Do you both feel you have to impress, or are you just happy to be you? We want to be with people where we feel we aren't judged and have the space to be ourselves. The more you check in with yourself the easier it is becomes to figure it all out. 

2. Do we respect each other and our differences (and boundaries?) 

 This is a great follow on question as it asks you to go one step deeper. There are always going to be differences of opinions, differences in hobbies, differences in communication styles, differences in boundaries. It's important to not only respect (and like) the person you're with, but also the natural differences that will come up between you. 

3. How do I feel during the ‘in-between’ dating time?

 This is a biggie… See for a lot of clients, the dates can be GREAT. The dates can leave you on a real high, but the time in between seeing them is filled with anxiety, confusion and like you’re chasing. We want your overall experience to feel calm, centered and exciting! 

4. Are we on the same page about our vision of the future and values?

 For anyone looking for a serious relationship, the biggest time saver will be having conversations early on about what you’re both looking for. There’s no point investing months (and your feelings) in someone who just can’t give you what you need or isn’t in the same place. It’s not because they're a bad person, or anything to do with your self-worth, they’re just at a different point. 

5. Are they consistent in communication and contact?

 Let’s leave the games, cr*p chat and lackluster plans in 2023 please! To create a fab relationship, you both need to put in the time and consistency to get to know each other. If you feel like you have to chase, or arrange anything, or you don’t hear for weeks, then 1) ask if something has changed, or 2) move on 

6. Am I staying present or am I projecting anything on to this relationship?

 Now I LOVE this question and it’s a loaded one. Because in early stages of dating we usually 1) move into the fantasy of what something could be,  2) project any past hurt and look for reasons it won’t work. We want to keep checking what the reality of the relationship is, and that we’re not getting carried away with a story we’ve created about the situation. 

7. Are they kind? 

 Sometimes I think in the amazon prime dating culture world, we focus on the quick fix and the outside, rather than looking for qualities such as kindness and loyalty. Well over here we're in it for the long haul, and you need someone who will ride out life's waves with you, showing kindness and empathy. 

 So my love, I hope that helps! I will also gently say, that if you find that:

👉 You can never really be yourself or be comfortable when dating

👉 You get incredibly anxious all the time when dating

👉 You always date people who don’t want the same thing

👉 There is never really any consistency and good communication

👉 Or you go into the fantasy of what could be, or run away due to the past

Then it might be worth looking into what your patterns are and why, because if something happens again and again, then it’s time to dig deeper. 

P.S. Tingz for this year

👉 You can book your call and chat it all through with me! I'm taking on clients again, so have opened up my diary.