Let me fill you in on a common scenario that most my clients face.

Me: “So, what are you looking for in a partner?”

Client: “All I want is a mature, funny, attractive good guy, who makes me laugh and treats me well.”

*Mature, attractive, funny, kind & secure man sits in front of her.*

Client: “No I don’t want him, there’s no spark.”

SOUND FAMILIAR?

If it does, you are not alone.

You see, we all talk about how much we want to meet our soulmate, but when push comes to shove, we end up rejecting the kind of person we should be with on account of there being ‘no spark’, or that it seems too easy, or that it feels something is missing.

So, here are three reasons to WHY you’re attracted to the wrong guy, so you can start breaking the pattern.

1 - You mistake anxiety for love

If you’ve been used to dating people who pick you up and drop you and who are inconsistent, then you’re used to living on a rollercoaster of uncertainty and anxiety. The adrenaline hits you get when it goes well are huge, but when the person backs off, the lows are awful. This means physically, emotionally and psychologically, you have begun to associate love and passion with this push/pull of uncertainty and anxiety. So, when you meet someone who is consistent and secure, your attachment system doesn’t react in the same way. It remains calm. No alarm bells start ringing. There’s not the uncertainty or ‘chase’ that you associate with love. Therefore you don’t think there’s a ‘spark’. You dismiss them as boring and not for you.

2 - You think that's what you deserve

It’s no big revelation that the more love and self respect you have for yourself, the less you will want to be with someone who treats you badly. Therefore, the better we feel about ourselves, the healthier the people we attract, and are attracted to. The more secure and loved we feel internally, the less desire we have to feel we need to ‘prove’ ourselves in love. We don’t need to chase the unattainable guy and catch him. We don’t need to change the player. We quite frankly, can’t be arsed to waste our precious time. So, get raising your self-worth!

3 - You're repeating someone else's pattern

Now, one of the first things I do with clients is ask them to tell me their story, right from the beginning. This is because we tend to internalise relationship dynamics and patterns that surround us from when we’re children. We then carry these around with us as we get older, and subconsciously start repeating them, because we love the familiar. So, take a long hard look at your relationship patterns so far and have a look at where they came from.