How to get the most out of dating apps… and make them suck less.

Whenever I do a Q&A on my instagram community, there are usually a number of questions around DATING APPS. How to use them, how to get the most out of them, how not to hate them, and are they the only way to meet people? 

Now, personally, I don’t think apps are good, or bad. Like anything, there are merits and negatives. On the plus side, you can meet people from all over the world, at the click of a button that you never ever would have come into contact with. In order words: there is infinite possibility and an increased chance of meeting people. On the flipside, apps are designed to be addictive, and they mimic playing a game, so it’s easier to hide behind a phone, lose connection and forget that there is a person at the other end of the screen. 

SO, if that’s the case, how do you make the most out of them? 

As with anything, it’s all in your approach. Here are three easy ways to change your experience: 

1. If you want to change your experience, change your mindset and change how you swipe. Changing how the apps feel comes down to you CHOOSING to have a more human experience of them. So if you’re showing up, flicking through the phone whilst you’re watching netflix, forgetting to reply, or becoming obsessed, all whilst thinking “everyone on here is a troll” then no, you’re not going to meet anyone. So, no more swiping whilst you watch TV, no more relying on the other person to make conversation, no more forgetting that you’re talking to a HUMAN, not a series of pictures. I suggest that before going on, take a minute, take a breath, tell yourself that you're “excited to see who's out there” and intentionally start looking. 

2. You need to look for reasons to say YES. Look, apps make it easy for us to sit comfortably in our home and judge people from a distance. They’re too short. They’re friends are better looking. You don’t like their job. When it comes to apps, we have a very select criteria about what is ok and what’s not. So, often with clients I’ll sit with them over zoom and question why they’re saying yes or no. What assumptions are they making? Where could they be more flexible? Why is it a yes? Why is it a no? Does age matter that much? Look at what you’re doing and why, and then expand your criteria. Ask yourself if you were set up in real life, through a friend that thought the other person was great, would you give them a chance? 

3. Finally, limit your time on them. By limiting your exposure and time, it’s a great way to concentrate your (positive) energy for when you are ready to engage. It also means you stop obsessing and treating it like a mindless game. So, pic 1-2 apps, decide a certain bout of time a day (or week) and then stick to that. If you’re talking to someone, move off the apps as soon as you can. 

I also just want to say that apps are ONE way to meet people. If you still date without using them and you can still meet the love of your life offline. However, you do need to get comfortable talking and being open to ALL possibilities in everyday life (and that means putting yourself out there). If you want a crash course in how to up your dating strategy, standards and confidence, then check out my dating course REWRITE, here. 

To watch my full video on this, click here