How setting a boundary got my client the relationship she wanted
I hope you’re having a beautiful day! Just a quick one from me, but I wanted to tell you about a turning point in my client’s romantic life.
You see, when my beautiful client first started, she was in the process of healing from a relationship with an unavailable man that wasn’t going anywhere. Every time it felt like she was getting close, he would back away, putting up barriers and walls.
The boiling point came when she was introduced to his family, had a wonderful time together and he ended it soon after.
During our sessions we discussed how during the dating phase my client would adapt herself to be what they wanted. Thinking if she was ‘perfect’ then they were more likely to choose her. But it also meant she could never fully be herself as was worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing.
Asking the question ‘who do I need to be to get them to pick me’ meant that she lost herself along the way.
So we quickly established that we would want to work on lowering the walls of perfectionism, healing how she was taught to love from childhood and setting boundaries for what she needed in a relationship (rather than focusing on the other person’s needs at the detriment of her own).
So, a great opportunity presented itself to test this with a man who she had been on a couple of dates with. She felt overwhelmed by the attention and wanted to slow things down. SO, rather than just ending it (or allowing it to continue) we agreed she would tell him what she needed and set a boundary.
We pretty much knew that it would go one of two ways:
He would ignore it or react badly, which solved the problem as he would prove they weren't a match
He would respond accordingly, be able to communicate and meet her needs, which also solved the problem because it would be a great step in the right direction
I’m obviously thrilled to note that it was the second one and five months later they’re still dating and she has said it is like no other relationship she’s experienced.
By opening up the door for honest communication, they have managed to establish a secure, loving relationship which also sounds like A LOT of fun!
So, next time you want to run, or you’re uncomfortable with what’s happening, ask yourself what you could do instead to put a boundary in place?
P.S If you know that this is something you need to work on, then Leading in Love, my group coaching could be for you. It’s my mission to help women feel confident and in control enough to speak up, ask for what they want and set boundaries in their love life.
So, not only have I got a guest expert to design a communication script for you, but this will be a running theme throughout. We will also be discussing (and practising) the energy in which you speak up and set boundaries with, so you become a magnet for alllllll good things!
