4 ways to spot if they're after one thing

So, as you can imagine in the land of dating apps, ghosting and bad behaviour, a lot of my clients and community quickly feel disheartened when dipping their toe in the dating pool (I know I did for 80% of my dating life, before I started my lil journey into this work). 

A common story I get told is “no one out there wants a relationship. They’re only after one thing!” (usually followed by “all the good guys are taken” and “I’m going to be single forever.”)

Now, believe it or not, I don’t care if people out there only want one thing.  Of course there are people out there who don’t want a relationship. That’s their right. And (as frustrating as it is) it’s not something you can control. 

I care about you. And I care about your reaction to it and what it means for your love life.

It becomes an issue when…

1. You become so consumed with the expectation and thought “everyone’s a sh*t who will disappoint you”, that it affects your whole dating experience. When we tell ourselves a story over and over again, we subconsciously start to look to prove our beliefs correct (it’s called confirmation bias). And hey-presto, you attract and meet people who ARE sh*ts and will disappoint you. 

2. Rather than honouring what YOU want, you ignore the red flags, carry on your merry way, falling for someone who doesn’t want anything serious, and you end up in a situationship, or feel used, heartbroken and have wasted your time. 

Both of those outcomes are incredibly common for my clients, which is why we work on getting them to a place where: 

• They’re no longer drained by dating. They’re happy, confident and thriving. They trust that they’re exactly where they’re meant to be, excited to see where life takes them. 

• They no longer anxiously cling on in fear, or lose themself in love, thinking a romantic interest is their only chance at happiness

• They don’t settle for less and hope people change. They speak up, own what they want and have the confidence to walk away, knowing they deserve better 

• They know what they want and need from a relationship and attract mature, emotionally available partners.

HOWEVER, I know that not everyone is in a space where they want to (or can) commit to working on their love life. SO, at the very least, I want to give you four tips to SPOT people who only want one thing, so you no longer have an excuse to date them. 

1. They say they’re just looking to ‘go with the flow and see what happens’. What will happen is zero commitment whilst they date and sleep with as many people as possible. Don’t get sucked in. 

2. Similarly, they may talk about being hurt in the past or an ex girlfriend as a way of keeping you at a distance or excusing their bad behaviour, OR as a way to explain wanting to ‘see how it goes’. Be very wary as often it’s a big indicator that they’re not remotely ready. 

3. It turns sexual quickly and often. No matter how much you change the subject, somehow along the way it turns back to ‘what you’re wearing’ or ‘what they’d like to do.’ It also might be cloaked in ‘how lucky they are to be speaking to someone like you’. Now this might sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how often this sign is ignored. 

4. They disappear or won’t commit to times and dates. As a general rule anyone who is flaky, inconsistent and where behaviour and words don’t match isn’t in the space for something serious. If they're not making the time and effort, move on.

Any questions, just get in touch as always! And to apply to work with me 1:1, click below!