Over the years I’ve noticed two categories that people tend to fall into during the good ole hunt for love! 

👉 Your love like is a big emotional rollercoaster, or possibly a drama filled sh*t show. This was definitely my bag - in my story this looked like chasing the unavailable guy, and constant obsession. 

👉 Or you hear crickets. Your love life is non-existent. You might occasionally dip your toe in the water, but for some reason nothing seems to get off the ground. 

These might feel like two totally different scenarios, but there is a key theme here linking them, and one little hurdle that can be worked out. 

The reality is, they’re both linked by avoidance. 

And before I hear you say, “that’s bullsh*t, I spend all my time trying to find love, not avoid it,  it’s not my fault that everyone ends up being unavailable”... 

When your pattern is dating people who are unavailable, or who don’t live in the country, or who have just come out of a long term relationship, or who categorically don’t want the same things as you, or if you’re stuck in the anxious/ avoidant loop, then we have to look at what links these people together. 

And unfortunately sugar plum, that is you. 

For a number of reasons, such as childhood themes, your brain chemistry, your attachment style, it feels easier to avoid real intimacy and a relationship that could turn into something real. Hence the attraction to people who you can’t really have. 

Our brain knows what it’s doing - you seek what feels familiar and what you already know. Deep down I always knew how the chasing was going to end. 

It felt a helluva lot more vulnerable when I met my husband and was confronted with the possibility for something real and long term. My first instinct was to bolt. Luckily I’d done enough work on my patterns to not to by then. 

SO in order to tackle the sneaky avoidance that crops up, there are a few questions to ask that will get you started.  

👉 Look inwards at what is it about avoiding love and relationships in some way that feels safer or more comfortable. How has this been built up over the years? 

👉 Ask yourself in what ways have you been keeping this pattern alive and how you could take accountability for your role? 

👉 Now ask yourself what are three things you could do to bring love a little closer, let someone in, or step out of your comfort zone? 

If you’re ready to do the deeper work, clearing out the basement and looking at this shiz, then I’d LOVE to work with you.

Please get in touch via my website!

C x