Ever wonder why some people plunge happily into relationships with nice, normal people and others (aka me back in the day) seem to end up in situationships with people who can’t or don’t want to commit? 

You see, often we think we just ‘end up’ or ‘slide’ into situationships, with no control or chance to do anything about it. 

The reality is that we have make a daily choice of who we give our time to, if we stay in something that makes us feel cr*p and if we find the bravery to speak up for what we want. 

Therefore, unfortunately, we have created the result. 

So, if we have all this choice and power, why do we still end up there? 

1. Well, a common fallacy is to think that having a little bit of someone is better than nothing at all (and we hope they’ll change). Again, the reality is that having 10% hurts more than having 0% in the long run. 

2. We aren’t dating with intention. We are trying to ‘go with the flow’ so don’t rock the boat and have a higher chance of being chosen. But this means that we don’t have boundaries or ask for what we want. 

3. We’re subconsciously drawn to people who aren’t available because of our own romantic patternings and lack of availability (yikes!)

But for whatever the reason, there is one way you can break the cycle, and that’s to learn to speak up for what you want, and then act in line with that intention. 

But I get that this can be super uncomfortable, often goes against what we’ve been taught to do and it can bring up all of our insecurities, fears and past hurt.  Plus, communication in a romantic context is a hell of a skill to learn. 

So, to gently get started on finding the confidence to speak up, you can do the following: 

1. Write down two instances where you went along with something (when it wasn’t what you wanted) and didn’t speak up. 

2. Next, take note of what stopped you speaking up and why. This way you’ll bring awareness to your thoughts and patterns. 

3. Finally, for each instance write down what you wish you had said and what boundary you wish you had set. Practice saying it in front of the mirror. The more comfortable we get with saying the words, the easier it will be to translate this in the dating scene. 

P.S If you know that this is something you need to work on, then it could be time to book your call for a chat.