Let me ask you a question - when it comes to dating, do you tend to show up with your ‘hot person’ energy or your ‘nice person’ energy? (Nada to do with how you look btw).

Sounds a little odd, but hear me out. There’s a difference I see between dating in say your early 20’s (when you generally give less of a f*ck) vs your 30’s. 

We can lose the “I’m a fooking prize and you’d be lucky to have me” energy and start relying on what my client recently termed “the nice girl” persona.

This might be because you’ve been around the dating ring for years and are bored, or your body’s changed, or you’re tired of rejection, or comparison or whatever. Or maybe it’s just because your interests have changed from bar hopping to early morning brunches and garden centers (DELIGHTFUL). Or maybe because you’re super serious about meeting someone, you’ve lost the ability to have fun when dating too. 

Whatever the reason, it can be easy to lose your sparkle. 

Instead you start being nice and kind and sweet. You won’t rock the boat. You are caring and compassionate when idiots start playing up. 

You stop taking up space and assuming that people would be so bloody lucky to have you. 

And I get that you don’t want to give people a reason not to like you, but dimming yourself down to fit the ‘agreeable’ or ‘acceptable’ version of you is bullshit. 

And it will only get you so far. 

Because not only does it make you forgettable, but the person opposite you doesn’t get to see the real you. Which wastes time. 

SO I’m calling for A HOT PERSON SUMMER and you’re all invited. 

Because we DO want our dating life to feel exciting, engaging and hopeful. Even if we’re intentionally dating, we want it to have a little vavavoom. 

And the only way to do this is to make sure how YOU’RE showing up is reflecting this. 

SO let’s do an inventory 

Get a piece of paper and draw two columns. On one side write ‘HOT PERSON ENERGY’ and on the other side write NICE PERSON ENERGY. 

Now write down how each person would show up when dating. What would they wear? What would their body language look like? How would they feel about themselves? What would they accept? You can also broaden the categories to include work, friendships,etc. 

And then look at where you sit and what you need to do to get the vavavoom back. 

For some it might be bringing the sexy back, for some it might be speaking up more. For some it might be flirting more on dates rather than asking the serious questions. 

My client recently did this and spent two weeks focusing on creating action points from the Vavavoom list. Not only did she get asked out way more, but she became more assertive at work and balanced her friendships more. 

So it works. 

I’m excited to see what you come back with, so let me know!