In lieu of sending a happy Chrimbo message this year from a beach in Fiji (you might all instantly unsubscribe) I thought I'd ping over a few tips on how you can navigate the festive season, as 85% of you voted that you find Christmas triggering if you're flying solo. 

 

For me, it was always the time of year where the Bridget Jones style thoughts that I might die alone being half eaten by an alsatian got the better of me. Auntie Deborah would make well meaning comments about how she couldn't understand why I was STILL single, and I'd resort to texting ex situationships for a boost. 

 

 So, here are three tips on how to manage any anxiety you may have AND how to make the most out of flying solo this Christmas.

 

👉 Stop believing your own thoughts.

 

Now, when we have an unhelpful thought, such as “time is running out” or “another year gone by”, we tend to accept these thoughts as ‘true’ rather than for what they are. Which is a sneaky, mean, lie.

 

So, I want you to start challenging your inner bully. Next time that voice pops up, write the thought down and get objective. Write a list of all of the evidence you can find about why this isn’t true. Anything and everything you can think of. This could be anything from “well, I have actually been on a date this year,” to “I’m a kind, caring person which someone will adore” to “well actually Eva Mendes married Ryan Gosling and had a baby at 40”.

 

We have to get into the habit of challenging and reframing your own inner gremlin, so you step out of a place of fear, and start thinking what IS possible.  

 

👉 Show yourself that you’re worth it

 

Another way to counteract unhelpful thoughts and emotions is to frequently and consistently demonstrate that you are worth loving. So, for the next week, I want you to do one thing a day that is any act of self care and love.This could be anything from:

• Staying off social media because you’re comparing yourself again

• Deleting your ex off social media because do you want that energy at Christmas? No thanks

• Organizing a really fun night out with your friends

• Having a bath and going to bed early, rather than partying

• Committing to a few booze free nights

• Buying yourself a christmas present

• Doing some journaling and meditation.

 

👉 Get grateful & give back

 

Now, before you roll your eyes, hear me out. A lot of the time when we’re coming from a place of ‘lack’ and “I don’t have” or “I can’t get” we spend all our time focussing on what’s missing, rather than what’s around us.

 

Which means we ignore the love we already have. We reject or disengage with the love we get from friends, or family, or even a community. We forget that if we want MORE love in our lives, we have to welcome it in.

 

So, get grateful and give back. Think about what and who you ALREADY have in your life and why you’re grateful. Think about all the amazing reasons there are to be single now, and why it’s a good thing. Do something to give back. Get yourself into a place of giving and abundance and gratitude for where you are.

 

(Every year I give to this charity which provides people with shelter, food and the basics over Christmas, which is an amazing cause)

 

P.S. Tingz for next year

 

I'm running a four day January challenge called Your Romantic Rewrite, where we draw a line under 2023 and start afresh. You can sign up here

 

You can join the waitlist for 1:1 coaching in Spring 24 here