Now about 85% of you voted on a recent story that you find Christmas a particularly triggering time if you’re single. Maybe it’s the season of smug couples doing Christmassy things, or snogging under the mistletoe, or maybe it’s the #luckygirl pictures of presents. Or MAYBE it’s because you have annoying (probably wellmeaning) relatives who ask you every year why you’re ‘still’ single. 

Whatever the reason, it can be a lonely place if you start letting thoughts that you might die alone being half eaten by an alsatian get the better of you. So, here’s three tips of how to manage any anxiety you may have, how to make the most out of flying solo this Christmas AND as a bonus, 5 phrases you can say to relatives, if they start to annoy you. 

1. Stop believing your own thoughts. 

Now, a lot of the time when we have a lil nasty thought, such as “time is running out for you” or “another year gone by and you’re STILL the single one”, we tend to accept these thoughts as ‘true’ rather than for what they are. Which is a sneaky, mean, manipulative lie. 

So, I want you to start challenging your inner bullsh*t bully. Next time that voice pops up. Write down what the thought is. And then get objective. Write a list of all of the evidence you can find about why this isn’t true. Anything and everything you can think of. This could be anything from “well, I have actually been on a date this year,” to “I’m a kind, caring person which is a good quality to have” to “well actually Eva Mendes married Ryan Gosling and had a baby at 40”. 

Don’t care what evidence you find, write down everything and anything that starts challenging and reframing your own inner gremlin, so you step out of a place of fear, and start thinking what IS possible.  

2. Show yourself that you’re worth it

Ok, so when we spend all our time in our head collecting evidence that it’s NOT going to happen, that we’re not good enough, that no one will ever love us, and that all men suck, our self confidence and experience of life crashes and burns.

SO, a way to counteract this is to frequently and consistently demonstrate that you are worth loving. And by that, I don’t mean looking externally for validation, I mean YOU have to show YOU. So, for the next week, I want you to do one thing a day that is any act of self care and love. 

This could be anything from: 

• Staying off social media because you’re comparing yourself again 

• Deleting your ex off social media because do you want that energy at Christmas? No thanks 

• Organizing a really fun night out with your friends

• Having a bath and going to bed early, rather than partying

• Committing to a few booze free nights 

• Buying yourself a christmas present

• Doing some journaling and meditation. 

• It could even be booking your FREE discovery call with ME

3. Get grateful & give back 

Now, before you roll your eyes, hear me out. A lot of the time when we’re coming from a place of ‘lack’ and “I don’t have” or “I can’t get” we spend all our time focussing on what’s missing, rather than what’s around us. 

Which means we ignore the love we already have. We reject or disengage with the love we get from friends, or family, or even a community. We forget that if we want MORE love in our lives, we have to welcome it in. 

So, get grateful and give back. Think about what and who you ALREADY have in your life and why you’re grateful. Think about all the amazing reasons there are to be single now, and why it’s a good thing. Do something to give back. Get yourself into a place of giving and abundance and gratitude for where you are. 

(P.S every year I give to this charity which provides people with shelter, food and the basics over Christmas, which is an amazing cause)

If you want to watch my video on this topic, click here

P.S, sick of realtives asking why you’re single? Here’s five responses

🎤 I LOVE being single, but I'll gladly accept presents for two 

🎤Ah, well I'm too busy taking over the world currently 

🎤Social distancing grew on me 

🎤Yes, for now.  My future partner is still gathering experience for the job.

🎤To be honest, I haven't met anyone who makes we want to give up starfishing in my double bed.